Anemic Performance

I took a taxi to work. So tired and hot. Late for work, even though I was working in the NYC office and my boss would be there - no wiggle room. I usually don't mind being a few minutes late - it balances out the days I wandered into the office insanely early or logged on to the company's web portal from home at 6am. I don't worry about my commitment to work. I know I'm there when I need to be and go above and beyond when I think excellence is at risk. I'm also descended from crazy Germans who tend to be ridiculously early - not late.

But here I was, late for the fourth time in my second to last week in NYC. I wasn't sure if a taxi would be faster than the subway, but I couldn't handle the subway that morning. I was late and stressed out and tired. Very, very tired. And, notably, not hungry at all. My lifelong, glorious appetite that had at one point managed to make me 205lbs (at 5'6") was gone. At least that's a positive, I thought.

I was still bleeding, but I had decided to wear a full, white summery skirt and a black t-shirt that day. I was sick of my same old black skirt or dress, and the spotting was lighter that morning. It was July 22, a Thursday, and I wondered if my period would return in full force soon (my last full period was June 17th). Oh well, a white skirt can be bleached if necessary.

Got to work in a sweat and managed to appear normal-ish. In the ladies' room I mentioned to a co-worker, Ali, that I had been bleeding for over 6 weeks.

"What? That's crazy. You should see a doctor."

"I called my doctor and was told to wait until I get back to Seattle. Guess it isn't an emergency. The assistant told me I was probably in menopause or pregnant - which is impossible. Very annoying."

"Just see a doctor."

"I've actually tried. I called a couple of friends for referrals, but couldn't get an appointment."

"I'll find one for you. My doctor is in Long Island, but I have a friend who likes her gynecologist."

"Thanks Ali, but I think I'll wait."

"No, don't wait. You should go now and find out what's going on!" Ali was and is bossy.

"Ok ok. Got it. I'll call."

A few hours later my boss called me into his office to catch up. We talked for around 30 minutes and then I felt something. Wetness. Lots of it. I couldn't leave immediately so I squirmed to try and keep whatever it was from seeping into my white skirt. As soon as we were done talking I ran out of the office to the bathroom.

Blood. Everywhere. Up and down my legs. Soaked through my underwear, which I immediately stuffed into the sanitary pad trash can. Dripping, gushing blood. I was so scared. Weirdly, it hadn't hit the white skirt at all. Looking back, this may have been the first sign that I had damn good luck.

I clean myself up and go back to the office.

"Ali, get me a doctor's number. I need to see one asap."

In 20 minutes I had a number, and I called. They could take me that afternoon.

I went to a doctor on the upper west side, which was awfully convenient for me since I was living up there. It's worthwhile to note that this visit marked the first of nearly 50 times that I would be filling out the same three pages of basic 'demos' and health history forms.

I was bleeding heavily, not my favorite time to be in stirrups.

Dr Shin was very nice. She put a bunch of extra sheets under me in case I bled onto the table.

She proceeded to perform a pelvic sonogram and saw a normal looking cyst in one ovary and a slightly thickened uterine lining.

Pause: I thought that I wouldn't be experiencing or saying or typing the word sonogram until I was looking at my first baby. I flash back to my doctor's assistant telling me she thinks this is early menopause. I push the thoughts back. Way back.

She then decides to do an endometrial biopsy. It might be uncomfortable, she tells me, but since I'm already having my period my cervix should be pretty open already.

It hurt more than anything I've experienced in my life, and she had to do it twice. Shocking, piercing, mind-numbing pain that recalled scenes from civil war movies when soldiers had to have limbs sawed off without painkillers. Some women don't mind it. Some women say it's worse than childbirth. I don't know. It hurt a lot.

Then I was sent off to 'clean up and get blood taken.'

She told me I couldn't use a tampon for 24 hrs. I said ok. Then I thought about it: how can I even leave the house if I can't use tampons right now? As I walked out of the bathroom I dropped into Dr. Shin's office and asked her "what exactly will happen if I use a tampon? Will I die?"

"You won't die, but you could get an infection."

"OK, thanks."

Screw it, I thought.

I went back into the bathroom and put in a tampon and added one of the doctor's office-provided weak-ass pads.

Then this crazy rebel wandered down the hall to get her blood taken.

And that was it.

The next day I got a voicemail from Dr. Shin: "Great news - you are anemic, a bit, but otherwise your blood looked great. Your biopsy results should be back in a week. If you don't hear from me personally expect results in the mail."